Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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