I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
