I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
