OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
