I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
