can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
