she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
