you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
PANTIES FOUND
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