Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
