I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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