I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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