Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
