Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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