I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
