you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Mom said you looked used
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
