Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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