some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is Oprah even human
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
