so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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