Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
