Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
