he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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