a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
