was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
