I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
