We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
