i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
