Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
