you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
