So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
