I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
