I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
