So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it was like eating out sand paper
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
