With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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