I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
