My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
