hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
