why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
