The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
