You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vagina just clenched in fear
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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