i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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