the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
