thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In America we eat man semen.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
