you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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