i need an iv and a liver transplant
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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