Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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