Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This is not my ceiling
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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