Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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