The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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