I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
