I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize