Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
