All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
