two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
