I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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