The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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