Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's never too late to be topless.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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