you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
