Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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